Journey

Throughout my teens and twenties I felt a deep sense of ‘wrongness’ about myself, and I spent a lot of time and energy trying to ‘fix myself’. This led to dysmorphic thinking that fuelled a need to be perfect. It was an endless pursuit, in which the bar of success was always out of grasp. Unsurprisingly, I struggled badly with my mental health and low self-esteem. 

Being diagnosed as neurodivergent has been an immense relief. It’s come with the realization that I wasn’t out of my mind - I do in fact interact differently with my surroundings. My struggles weren’t magically solved with my diagnosis, but I’ve slowly learned to have empathy for myself. 

Along with a feeling of relief, I’ve felt a lot of anger, frustration and grief at not having been diagnosed when I was younger. Unfortunately, it’s not surprising that I wasn’t: most women discover their condition between the ages of 30 and 40, typically when they have a child who is diagnosed. I’ve often wondered how different my life, or the lives of innumerable women, could have been if we hadn’t slipped through the cracks. 

Inspired by my own experience of being diagnosed as neurodivergent later in my life, my film, Journey, follows Lucy as she chases after her youth, only to realize that her pursuit is in vain. Who she is now, old age and all, is not only who she’s meant to be, but it’s who she wants to be. Journey is my love letter to any woman, who has ever felt like they were stuck chasing an impossible version of themselves.